MuSiC oF mY LiFe

~~Friday, April 11, 2008~~

feeling abit angry with blogger now. I blogged almost finished then there was this server error and all are gone. its been a while since such thing happen to me. great.

back from hostel after a wk of happenings. its nice to be home in fact. now its kinda like a relief..refuge place after weeks of rubbish accomplishments. but today its a little different. I usually enter my house, instinctively looking to my right cos' my sis room is there and she's usually in, or rather will be back soonafter me. Today's different though. Her room was vacant and dark. I thought for a while of shld i go straight to her room or to mine. I was to move over cos' my parents said the toilet is connected there and many other reasons so yeah. I walked to her room and was surprised cos some of my stuffs are over there alr. I walked back to my original room and it looks familiar yet stranger now. Hi new room. I need time to orientate.

today was a strange day too. I went to collect my analytical biochem paper. FAILED. i hate to type the 6-letter word over and over, but i seem to type it time after time. Its annoying.

1st weird occurence was when roommate and i went to collect our papers. Searched for his room for the 1st time and saw 20pple outside a room. Streamed past them to find his room and they didn't mutter a word. They seem to be waiting for sth but we didn't know. I spotted his room like 0.5m away from the crowd and saw a shadow inside, knocked and went in thenafter. He said he wanted to reveal paper 1 by 1 so i stepped out, to only realise like 3min after that the 20pple outside were all waiting to see him. And a b**** actually said sth like,"wah...someone jumped queue sia...wah lao". Oh pls, call urself dumb or dumb man, i looked at u all but u all kept mum, and so don't accuse man. save it maybe u can pass ur paper.

2nd occurence was when i entered the room after and he immediately asked if i was sheena. I went "huh?" like 3 times then he kept repeating "u sheena right? i am correct what, no meh?" i was like stunned. How he actually knew manz. This module had no tutorials, just pure lectures and i m always sitted like at the last 3 rows of the lect. Never did i talk to him once since day 1 of his class. LOL.

He saw me sighed and asked why. I told him i know i failed and he said that there is only 2 possibility - either i didn't study and nv put in enough effort or i cant understand. I said the 1st. He replied by saying i m lucky that i wasn't his sec school std else he will scold till i break. I remarked, "Why not...u scold me now?" He was stunned. I said i know i can do better, i just didn't have the time and all at that time. He said that this cannot happen now...and i wanted to reply, "yeah...i quitted everything alr...right?". I didn't say that in the end. I nodded and said i know what i shld do. i will pass. He asked if he is a good tcher. i said yes. He asked if i can do it. I said shld be. What a let-down. I want to make a change.

3rd occurence, was to go home from hostel but roommate was feeling down too. end up gg to tampines to walk ard and have dinner. sat at cartel and ordered our food. think roommate is influenced by me and my mustard-dipping habits that she liked it too. She asked a crew for mustard and crew replied, "I think MAYBE there WAS NO mustard". wahahaha...wah raoz..the english..damn buang. i laughed so hard on my seat after tt pple ard me turned. what is maybe? either got or not arh...then the "was", what she mean? Yeah right i know there is no mustard on my platter of food. lol..funny. ok..maybe not..just stress's fault. hoho.

had a long chat. we touched a little on how our school has made us realised that we don't even reap what we sow, but yet the relationship now is that effort may even be inversely proportional to results. And realised 1 strength and 1 weakness in me. 1 strength is that i tend to do my best in trying to achieve sth that i aim for. 1 weakness is that i get demoralised easily and need some time to pick myself up. this leads to the point that when i really try hard for my subjects..and nt that i see good results but still in fact failing grades..its not helping and even reinforce my weakness cos the morale will just get lowerand lower. Be4 i can recuperate from a failure, another thing set me back. viscious cycle keeps going on. i know i m not the type who consistantly...constantly studies but i study when exams are nearing. But why nt even a pass is rewarded.

Initially thought its my prob, then my polymates are in this shit too. Then realised fellow coursemates are also facing this, those who are smiling are those who really chiong. Does my school really focus on being an all rounder? This year's tagline for openhouse was L.I.F.E - sth along the line of living and inspiring sth exciting or what. I beg to differ if things are geared in such a chiong-er's attitude.

Anw, next wk...would be the start of final exams. Wed defence science and thur, calculus. Its scary. Defence science finals hold 100% cos its one and only paper in the course. Calculus, thanks to my sucky maths, i need a bloody 70% to PASS my paper. I really want to pass real badly. I don't want to re-take. I don't want to get a GPA so pathetic that i cant get my honours but still have to study for a bloody 4 years (rigid system here). I don't want to study for the max. time one can stay in a uni (7 years). I want...a normal life. ARhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Ok, to end this post on a lighter note. I have got my posting for special term I in the hols! I've got my 1st choice! Astronomy and Cosmology!!! Yeah. Finally, a module that I CHOSE. a module of my interest. lol. we'll c hw it goes.

Back to the books after making coffee in a cup out of 3 packs as usual.

"need more...want more...give more..."

11:46 PM